Parents of kids with ADHD find themselves exhausted when they receive advice from those who don’t fully understand the diagnosis. A child with ADHD has unique needs, and standard parenting practices tend to be less effective. But, the diagnosis isn’t an excuse for misbehaviour, so some sort of support is necessary. So how can parents do this while keeping their child’s unique needs in mind?

In our previous blog post, we explained that ADHD primarily involves challenges with time perception and executive functioning. Kids with ADHD have difficulty learning from past mistakes and considering future consequences to their decisions. This is why their behaviour can look impulsive, erratic, energetic, and immature. So, a major principle of parenting strategies is to bring the past and future as close to the present as possible. In the moment, your child receives a cue to guide their behaviours. The strategies that follow are ways parents can bring the information their kids need into the present to help them succeed.

Engage Their Body

Every parent has experienced silence, at least once or twice, after they call their child’s name from across the room. For kids with ADHD, whatever is right in front of them is the thing that is most on their mind, so getting their attention requires a different approach. It’s hard not to pay attention to someone who is physically connected. Holding their hand, asking for eye contact, getting down on their level, or rubbing their shoulder are all ways you can engage their body to make sure their attention is on you. This way you know they are listening.

This also works for teaching them to complete regular routines and responsibilities. Find ways to get their bodies moving so they are more engaged in the task they’re completing. Some examples include:

  1. Race to pick up items in their room
  2. Walk out the door to the bus like their favourite animal
  3. Play catch with the groceries as you put them away

Make It Real

Kids with ADHD can easily lose track when they have to do something with several steps. They get distracted, engaged in something, and then forget their original goal. One way to remind them of their task is to give them an item or a picture they take with them while they accomplish it. Charts with pictures that show them every step of their routine are another way to make the steps real. Pictures can also be produced on cue cards that are given to your child one at a time. When they complete the step, they return the card to you and trade it in for the next one. Doing these things takes the information out of your child’s mind and into the physical world where they can feel, see, and touch it.

Track Their Progress

Points systems that are visible and engaging are great for kids with ADHD. They serve as reminders of progress, motivators, and a track record of the good things they have done. The possibilities are endless, but three guiding principles will help you develop a system that is successful:

  1. Clear. The point system should be clear and understandable for you and your child. Simplify where possible, and keep expectations straightforward. The fewer the possible loopholes, the better.
  2. Manageable. You must be able to realistically manage the points system. This is another reason why simpler is usually better. Apps like Joon can be helpful tools for managing the system and expectations.
  3. Noticeable. The system should be set up in a way that’s noticeable for your child. They should be able to easily see the expectations, their progress, and the rewards they’re working towards.

Because there are so many possibilities, ADHD Therapy can also come in handy here. You get support as a parent to develop all sorts of systems and structures (beyond just point systems) that work for you and support your child.

Catch Them Doing Well

Kids with ADHD often experience more correction than other kids. This can frustrate them because they’re constantly being told about they can’t do the things interesting them. They know the rules, but have difficulties accessing that information when the time comes to apply it. It’s therefore also important that you recognize and reward the behaviours you want repeated. Just paying attention to and identifying the positives is a reward in and of itself for kids with ADHD.

As always, try to make the attention as concrete and visible as possible. One way to do this is to keep a poster board in a common area of your house (kitchen, living room, etc.) with some markers or pens for writing. When you catch your child doing well, write them a message about it on the poster. As the messages increase, your child has a record of the good things they’ve done. When the board is full, put up a fresh one and start over. The other bonus is the whole family can join to write messages for each other.

Follow Their Focus

On the occasions when a child with ADHD is focused, they are focused. They can get very drawn into an activity, whether that’s video games, art, bracelet making, sports, and more. These are great opportunities to spend some positive time with them. Place yourself close to them when they are deeply engaged in an activity. As you do this, mention that you notice they are working hard, being creative, or really concentrating. Provide as little correction or feedback as possible. This is about reinforcing the good qualities they demonstrate. You only need to do this for a few minutes, and it will go along way to deepen the quality of relationship between you and your child.

These strategies ultimately help reduce unnecessary conflict that can weaken your relationship with your kids. Ideally, as your kids grow up and get used to their regular routines and responsibilities, you can reduce the structure you provide. Of course, progress isn’t linear, so keep these in your back pocket to implement again when necessary. This way, you can continue enjoying your relationship with your kids so it continues to benefit you both long into the future.

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